i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
