Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
