Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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