why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
