4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
