She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
