Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
