he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
