i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
