My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
