I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
birth control should be required to get into college
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
