Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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