So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
