You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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