Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm like, not good at living.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
