Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
