I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
