She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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