No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My vagina is officially offended.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
