I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
