went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
