I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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