in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
