Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
