So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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