I'm laying in your front yard are you home
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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