Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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