He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
