So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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