Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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