3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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