I seem to have left my pride at pride
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
