yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
