Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
