i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
