You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
