You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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