so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
