no, he came in my armpit
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
