conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
