I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My vagina is officially offended.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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