K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
