k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
