I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
