why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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