You work out of a Hotel?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
