Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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