put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
