seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
