oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
