everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
