I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
