I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
