i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
