In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I fill condoms, not promises.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just forgot I was standing up.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
