You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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