i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
