Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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