This girl is more easily done than said...
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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